Early alarm, Tuesday, already. Sales meeting at nine-thirty. Me in dog house
probably. Power shower. Red or black, white or cream, toast or cereal?
Remember buy bread today. Clean teeth, empty dishwasher. Feed cat.
Defrost fish, clean shoes, forgot to floss. More tea. Leave note to milkman,
check e-mail. Turn on Radio 4; spies, lies, Brexit, austerity, food banks.
Trump bombs terror, sunshine, showers, intervals, fog in parts. Think positive.
Check bag; keys, iPhone, Mars Bar, Polos, Panadols, tampons, luminiser,
lipstick, mascara, tissues, iPad, pen, comb, compact mirror, sanitiser.
Stop for cash and petrol. Text boss. Idiot! Check hair, OK?
Lock door. Running late, play Taylor Swift, take short cut, Camster Cairns,
single track floating, peat bog, passing space, sleeping sheep, speeding car.
Archaeologists believe the 3,000 year old leather pouch discovered at Camster Bog
speaks the fate of a young queen from the Plastic Period who, through folly
or misadventure, was deemed to have failed to please the Gods Apple, Mars
and Pan on whose benevolence her people depended. She made blood sacrifice.
The pouch contained phallic objects adorned with the names of her lovers;
Elizabeth Harden, Max Fatter and Christi Door suggesting that Plastics enjoyed
multiple partners in frenzied fertility rites. Androgyny was inevitable as male
potency and sperm count decreased. Simple signalling and recording devices
typically used by breeding queens to attract a mate were also found at the site.
Technos hope to retrieve images which may explain why Plastics self -destructed
by releasing gender bender chemicals into the wild until the rivers ran red.