About

Solitude was my default mode from the start.  I was the only child of immigrant parents traumatised by their experiences of WW2.  Years in a Nazi labour camp had made them fearful of the outside world.  ‘There’s no such thing as friends’ and ‘trust no-one’ were my father’s mottos.  I grew up hearing tales of death, destruction and betrayal as we ate dinner.

At the age of three I developed polio shortly after being given my first polio booster.  I spent six months in hospital where I learnt to speak English.  Much of my time in hospital was spent in isolation.  In the sixties parents were denied free access.  Visits were few.  My mother would hide in the rhododendrons outside my window, wave and blow kisses.  When I heard a nurse coming I would signal to my mother so she could hide. Later I remember being in a room on my own and beyond a large glass partition was the main children’s ward where they all seemed to be having great fun.  They had balloons and toys.  There was colour and noise.  I longed to be one of them.  It took a huge chunk of my adult life for me to realise that the perceived communal happiness beyond the glass was, in reality, an illusion.

My illness had left me with a limp. One leg was thinner and weaker than the other.  I became my mother’s shame…no longer the perfect child, I was now the family scapegoat. We moved from a rickety terraced house overlooking the railway line to a suburban bungalow up a dead-end street.  There was a garden with an old apple tree.  I would climb up to a high branch and look for God.  He was never around.  At the village primary school I could not join in with PE classes.  I would sit on the sidelines and watch.  Sometimes I would play piano while the others danced around the hall.  I was the smartest kid in class. I was marked out as different, the foreigner, the cripple but also someone special.

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “About

  1. Moving background. I think nobody is alone though. We are all coming from the same place and will go back to this universal source again. Even if family and friends surround us, they cannot accompany us in the walk of life and death. Instead, it is possible to see a human spiritual connection beyond our physical world, which I find very helpful during times of seeming solitude. All the best!

    Like

    1. Thanks, Mathias, for your comforting words and your reminder that there is another dimension beyond our material world. My creative work is influenced by the ideas of Carl Jung and the collective unconscious. I do believe we are all connected on some other level, that there’s no such thing as coincidence. I also find the natural world and contact with animals a great healer.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s