Tips for a Perfect Christmas

Transform your family with tinsel
strategically arranged around the living.

Download seasonal hits by Wizard and Slade.
Repeat play while you cook, clean and defecate.

Anoint your sprouts with the sacred cross of Jesus.
Wrap your pigs in blankets, protect from sudden frost.

Check your bird every ten minutes. Truss her tight
with silly string. Baste with juices from your pot.

Brandy will add flavor to the tasteless.
Provide plastic antlers for your guests.

Check your fairies are operational in advance
to avoid disappointment on the big day.

Choose carefully the special someone
to cherish at the top of your tree.

Inappropriate choices will make the whole day die.


Original Photograph created by the author




3 thoughts on “Tips for a Perfect Christmas

  1. Unflinching truth, Nikita, with sprinkles of humour to help us swallow the pill. I have just returned from shopping madness, where I wanted the tinsel and the antlers to really help somehow. I imagined that I saw desperation in the eyes of the other shoppers. It was probably just a projection of my own desire to put reality aside if at all possible. I don’t know what goes on top of the tree anymore.

    Wishing you all the best for the holiday season and for the year come. Perhaps the Martians will arrive and fix everything up.

    Liked by 1 person

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